My mom passed away 7 months ago. Her and I were really close and she was the only person that I would ever go to and talk about things with. Well now shes gone and so is that. I took it very hard when she died, I ended up being heavily sedated and didn’t get out of bed for the following 2 weeks except for her memorial which between that and the two weeks following, I remember very very little. After two weeks, and being the mother of 2 kids who needed me, I drug myself out of bed, stopped all sedatives and began life again with out my mother. And OMG it has been so hard. People ALWAYS say it gets easier with time. I am finding it getting harder lately. I still cant eve look at a picture of her. SOO, being there’s no grief support groups in my area and it’s becoming clear to me that I need some thing. So, my question is does anyone know of or a member of an online grief support group that discusses this issue and not every thing but? Thank you
I’m sorry for your loss. The death of my mother was the hardest thing in the world for me and my sisters. I hope this will help: http://www.growthhouse.org/death.html The suggestion of calling a suicide hotline to ask for advice is a good one.
My mother died of cancer, and the support group run by the American Cancer Society is an excellent one. I also saw a therapist for a while and spent a couple years on antidepressants, which helped me greatly although I know it’s not for everyone. Things get better, and there will be a day when you can remember your mom with love and joy and gratitude and without tears. Good luck.
(Grief Support) (Forgiveness) (Healing) – Mary’s Story
Death one of mans greatest enemies
Death one of mans greatest friends
Death is who destroys us
Death who can save us from anything and everything
For who can be as powerful and yet as diverse as death
Its power is overwhelming
It hurts us
It kills us from the inside out
Yet in itself, it comforts us
Reassuring us that all will be laid to peace
Death the new beginning
For what is death but new life
Like a seed, planted once shall grow and thrive
Or like dew evaporating in the summer air
Your new life will soon be death, and your death new life
Comforting,Reassuring,Loving
Death
He leads you into a fresh life
Where you right your wrongs
You say your prayers
Living life and dying death
Waiting for a new beginning
wow! it’s deep..and makes me really think about death and what it is and all… O.o
I love the first 6 lines but then at #7-8 “it hurts us” DUH OBVIOUSLY lol maybe you should change the words around or something… “It weakens and damages us inside and out; completely, consuming, and the anguish smothers us until Death takes it all away again…” or something like that i don’t know honey. hmm..well about the meaning of the poem, to me it sounds like the death of a good person…bad people go to hell so a fresh new life would suck hardcore for them, wouldn’t it? O.o Great poem all in all, I love it. <3
Thank you for answering my question
edit: you deleted ur answer...ur horrible D; i take back what i said about your poem being great O.O jk jk lol
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Bereavement Counseling – a great expression of empathy
Bereavement means a big loss, particularly death of someone very close. The feeling is kind of combination of grief and mourning. Death is the biggest truth but still human being finds it very difficult to accept when a loved one passes away. To some people, the effect is stronger than the others. They go through severe mental distress and extreme sorrow, resulting in immense psychological distress. Some of the common feeling of a person who is suffering from bereavement is isolation, confusion, anxiety, loss of weight, improper sleep and poor concentration. One can even lose memory and self identity and in some cases even behave like the person who has passed away. The condition can become worse if proper care is not implemented. Bereavement counseling can regarded as a good solution.
Bereavement counseling lets the person who is suffering from the problem to open up with their feelings and thoughts. The counselors let them remain silent without trying to change them by stating any advice. Bereavement counseling works in such a way so that the sufferer gets his/her own answers to their problems and issues in life. The counselors urge them to speak about the person who died and how they can live without that person. Not just that, the sufferers can talk about anything that he/she wants. They can talk about plans, hopes, family, friends, relationships, etc.
The job of a bereavement counselor is very responsible. The counselor needs to strike the right chord with the person who is suffering fro bereavement. He needs to be patient and understand each and every aspect of that person’s behavior. Thus, empathy, tolerance and sensitivity are the major aspects of such counseling. The bereavement counselors not just require hearing what the person says, but also have to recognize the emotional situation with similar sensitivity and feeling. The counselors must be ready to share the grief, the nervousness, the worry and the irrecoverable loss with the same solemnity. Such emotional attachment of the counselors can help their clients to restore back the right emotional balance and behave like normal person accepting the loss by moving forward in life.
Sorrow of bereavement can be recovered in different ways. Some tips include remaining connected with people, who the person loves the most; remaining busy; taking spiritual support; etc. If the case is serious and nothing seems to be working to fade away the memory of the lost loved one, then more detailed and efficient treatment is required that comes in the form of bereavement counseling.
Life is the most beautiful thing on earth and death is the bitterest truth. Life and death is in one’s hand so it is essential to move on and take on life as it comes. Death is a reality that needs to be accepted. If a loved one dies, one must remain in control and do not allow the grief to become bereavement. Bereavement counseling successfully helps the sufferer to understand the importance of life and get back the normal being.
The stages of Grief Recovery are often confused with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ Stages of Death and Dying. This schema evolved as a result of her therapeutic work with terminally ill individuals whose reactions to a Terminal Illness diagnosis she summed up as follows. Terminally ill individuals would go through: 1) Denial; 2) Anger; 3) Bargaining; 4) Depression; and 5) Acceptance. This group of stages has nothing to do with the grief recovery process even though they are mistakenly quoted as such.
After conducting a review of currently available data and looking back over my 25 years of clinical experience I have come up with the following 4 stages as more accurately describing the grief recovery process. This group of distinct phases is based on the experiences of hundreds of individuals and families who were dealing with the loss of a loved one at the time they came to see me. It is my hope that the following summary will clear up a lot of confusion around this issue.
1) Numbness and Shock: – We hear the news about the death of a loved one and our mind goes into shock. The news is too unbelievable, too hard to digest in one sitting. Numbness enters the picture because our mind is still reeling from the news as our body goes into a state of emotional numbness. We try desperately to process this terrible news. Simple tasks now feel overwhelming. Feelings of disorientation and displacement are common. Some have described this as a dreamlike state where you feel disconnected from events and people around you. Funeral arrangements and other issues are accomplished mechanically.
Stage 2 – Disintegration and Disorientation: The initial shock of losing a loved one begins to settle down and we are now faced with the deeper feelings of grief and bereavement. Emotional disintegration, which feels like “falling apart” enters the picture as the reality of the loss hits us hard. Physical reactions such as sleeplessness and loss of appetite are not uncommon and need to be taken up with your family doctor. On the emotional side, feelings of confusion, anxiety, anger and depression may now begin to surface. These deeper reactions are your body and mind’s way of trying to release stress. Grief recovery means working through these reactions over time.
Stage 3) Bereavement and Grief Recovery – Once you are past the shock and have started to come out of disorganization, bereavement and grief recovery can begin in earnest. You can now make full use of your grief recovery resources including books, audio books, healing music and grief counseling. These days, you can be part of an online support group where sharing is the by-word and all persons there are eager and ready to listen and help each other recover. You are not alone, unless you choose to be. And you are not a victim, unless you choose that as well!
Stage 4) Reintegration and Coming back Together – The right kind of help coupled with recommended action steps will benefit your grief recovery enormously. Your approach to dealing with the emotional side of grief has begun to pay off. You are less and less inclined to break down. You can trust yourself to get on with your life and your daily routine. You realize your life has changed. That important person is gone, but not your love for them.
We have reviewed the stages of bereavement and grief recovery against the backdrop of Kubler-Ross’ Stages of Death and Dying and see them to be different. What we experience after losing a valued loved one is not the same as what we would experience if we were given a terminal diagnosis. Entering grief recovery and moving through bereavement are the result of losing an important loved one. This would include separation and divorce. We are talking about losing a parent, child, spouse, life partner, close friend and valued family member. I have experienced all of these losses and know personally that these stages are accurate.
For a successful grief recovery I recommend the following: 1) Acquire a good reading and/or audio book resource that you can access whenever you want and need to, something that will provide support and guidance as you work your way through the necessary grief recovery action steps. 2) Check out any support groups in your area. This will help eliminate the feeling that you are alone and will normalize your recovery experience.
3) If a local group is not an option, consider joining an online Grief Support Network where you can post your story, receive support from others in grief recovery and provide support in return. This provides a sense of community during the grief recovery period and re-emphasizes that you are not alone. 4) And finally, see a therapist if your grief reactions are so overwhelming you feel you can’t function. Follow these steps to grief recoveryand your bereavement will be over before you know it.
About the Author
Maurice Turmel holds a PhD in Counseling Psychology. He was a practicing therapist for nearly 25 years providing counseling and therapy to individuals, groups, organizations and families. He is the author of “The Voice – A Metaphor for Personal Development”; “Mythical Times – Exploring Life, Love & Purpose”; and “How to Cope with Grief and Loss – Support, Guidance and Direction for Your Healing Journey”. He has been a guest on numerous National and Regional television and radio talk shows and has hosted his own shows at BlogTalkRadio.com, WebTalkRadio.net, AchieveRadio.com and BBS Radio. Grief Recovery Help
I have a friend who lost a member of their family … how do I offer my support?
This is a platonic male friend (online friend only) whom I used to work with in person some 10 years ago. We talk daily via IM. He had sent me a MySpace message that he lost a family member last night and I basically responded that I was sorry to hear about his loss and that if he needed to talk, he knew where I was (referring to Yahoo Messenger and e-mail), and signed off as, “Hugs, (my name).” I want to be a friend, but at the same time I want to give him space while he’s dealing with his grief. Should I just sit back and let him talk when and if he needs to? Is this the proper thing to do? (I remember when I lost my mother, I didn’t want people to come to me with their condolences; I came to people to talk when I was ready.)
I’m also hoping that he does not read the “Hugs, (my name)” sign-off as a more-than-a-friend gesture, because that is not how I intended it … but because we talk like two female friends, sometimes I forget he’s a male.
i think you have the right frame of mind. offer your shoulder, but let him go to you. just let him know that you are there whenever he needs you. the “hugs” i dont think will be taken as a more than friend thing. hugging is a friendly gesture and “handshake (your name)” would be a very akward one.
You are never prepared for the death of a loved one, even when that death comes after a long and serious illness. And when the loss is sudden and unexpected, as it was for me, the shock can be overwhelming. No matter the circumstances of loss, there is always sadness, heartache, and emptiness. As you struggle to go on with life after your loved one has died, you face painful questions. How can you handle the anguish of grief? How can you find peach and joy and meaning in life? How can you learn to trust life and love again?
Working Your Way Through
One fateful day years ago, a state trooper told me that a car accident had taken the lives of my wife, Chrissie, our oldest daughter, Christine, and my wife’s parents, who were visiting at the time. After the accident, in trying to help my two surviving understand what had happened, I realized that I was utterly vacant, unsure, and angry. I experienced deep depression for the first time in my life. In a real way though my need to help Aimee and Katie sort through their feelings and questions helped me sort through my own. Although I have never come up with any simple answers or solutions to the pain of loss. I do have some thoughts about grieving. I hope they will bring you strength and aid as you cope with the loss of your loved one.
Accept Your Feelings
Whether your loss has come in a swift and dramatic fashion or was long expected, your feelings are no doubt intense and painful. Along with sadness, you may be hit by a flood of other, sometimes conflicting feelings: anger, helplessness, fear, guilt, regret, loneliness, despair. I discovered that it does no good to fight such feelings. Pushing them down only seems to make them come back with even greater fury. Instead, I had to learn to respect these feelings as part of me-a testimony to my intense love and loss. And I needed to give them time and space to express themselves. Only when I was able to accept and even embrace such feelings as natural and normal and an integral part of my healing process was I able to work through them. Remain open to the hurt within you. At times you may want to suppress or avoid it with distractions and busyness. That’s understandable, and may even be necessary sometimes, but eventually your emotions will surface; grief will demand your attention. Give it that attention willingly and you will make the process easier.
Let People Know What You Need
In their efforts to comfort me, well-meaning people sometimes actually caused me discomfort. Their words about “God’s will,” or about how they knew “just how I feel,” or about how things “always work out for the best,” rang hollow. I found that the best solution was to tell them gently abut honestly what I needed from them: “Thank you, but I need to grieve in my own way and on my own timetable. Mostly, I want you to just be with me.” When someone’s attempt to comfort you only deepens the hurt, remind yourself of that person’s good intentions and forgive him or her for not understanding. If you find yourself overwhelmed by life’s daily responsibilities, as you surely will at this stressful time, call on those around you for assistance. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need-people will respond with amazing generosity. Friends and family often want to help, but don’t know how. If you let them know specific ways they can help, you will be doing them, as well as yourself a favor. “Be open to the pain of your broken heart. God enters through its brokenness.”
Treasure Your Relationships
Death makes life all the more precious. I felt so fortunate to have my daughters to hold onto through the pain. But I know that many people who lose someone close feel abandoned and alone-as if they have no one or nothing to live for. If you feel this way, try being with people who are also grieving, in a bereavement support group, for example. As you tell your stories, you will share and understanding of the heart deeper than words. The survival of those who have found healing after loss is reassurance that you, too can endure. Find people with who you can laugh and cry and share new experiences. They will help you mend your shattered life. They will reflect back to you your own goodness. And they will plant new seeds of love for you to harvest. It’s hard to take the risk to get close to people again. Many times I just wanted to be alone, to grieve privately. Yet I know that my family and friends have been priceless. I have thrived simply on the fact that they have been there for me, and we have kept good company.
Draw On Faith For Healing
Life now may seem unreal and terribly wrong. You may feel cheated. As you struggle to make sense of your tragedy, reassure yourself that it’s okay to be angry with God. But also realize that your loss is not God’s punishment or an attempt to test you. God shares punishment or an attempt to test you. God shares the hurt in your heart and wants to lead you to new hope and peace. I can’t say what it was that gradually dissolved my own bitterness toward God. Time? My angry “prayers”? God’s own workings? I only know that God’s goodness-visible in other people, in the world, in myself-became too apparent for me to ignore or deny. And I began to trust life again. That, after all is what it comes down to trust. Trust that life doesn’t end with death. Trust that loved ones who have died are forever with God and that God is forever with us, too. A supportive faith community, pastoral leader or spiritual counselor may be able to help you, over time, to reconcile your loss and pain with your belief in loving , faithful God.
Be Patient With Yourself
Grieving has many stages, which might include shock, numbness, denial, depression, confusion, fear, anger, bitterness, guilt, regret, acceptance, hope. These stages may come in any order, and number of times. Give yourself time to move through grief at your own pace and in your own individual way. Anniversaries and holidays-times that used to mean joy and celebration-can be among the toughest days of the year. You may want to forgo certain traditions or obligations if they seem too burdensome or possible create new traditions that memorialize your loved one. You may feel overwhelmed as you try to adjust to the day to day changes the loss of a loved one can bring. My wife’s death thrust me into new, awkward roles and responsibilities. I tried not to expect too much of myself too soon, just to start with the small tasks first, to be patient with myself and my mistakes. I discovered that the routine tasks of maintaining my job and family helped restore in my life that familiar structure with the chaos of grief threatened to destroy. Maybe you feel like you don’t have anyone who needs you anymore. Maybe you don’t have young children or a job to give you an anchor in life. But whatever personal attributes you have that made you so dear to your loved one are still there, waiting to be trapped to bring joy to others. The world needs the gift of you!
Take Heart
This one that you have loved and lost will always be with you, in memory and in prayer, for the love between you is a spiritual bond that death cannot sever. As impossible as it may seem right now, a time will come when you will be able to think of your loved one, and feel the sacred connection between the two of you, without the pain and emptiness you feel right now. A time will come when you will want to laugh and live and love again. Let yourself heal-in your own time and your own way. The one that you have loved and lost would want it that way.
About the Author
Cremation Options is proud to be a family owned and operated company dedicated to providing dignified cremation services at an affordable price. Established in 2002; we are a non-denominational firm providing a variety of Jacksonville Funeral Homes, merchandise, and services to families of all ages, creeds, and ethnic backgrounds.Call us toll free @ 1-877-989-9090.
“How Is Grief Recovery a Bereavement Support Group from Widow April Braswell, Grief Recovery FAQ”
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How To Deal With Relationship Grief
Breaking up with your lover, partner or spouse is a major event in your life. The consequences are not much different than losing a loved one through death. A relationship breakup is a death of sorts, the death of possibilities, a future together and plans that were spun around during your better days together.
Feelings of loss, sadness and grief are common to the experience. What you go through is a period of mourning and bereavement over the death of possibilities.
The “Us” that constituted your relationship has suffered a fatal blow. As with any instance of loss we feel bewildered and confused.
If you’re the one who initiated the breakup then you have feelings of guilt to deal with. You’ve noticed a change in your feelings toward your partner or spouse. You’ve been feeling more and more estranged from them. You’ve started to dream about a life on your own, or with someone else. You feel guilty because you know your partner will be hurt. You’ve already been grieving this relationship for some time prior to informing your partner of your decision.
If you’re the one who has been left, then you are feeling rejected and lost. You can’t believe what is happening and you’re scrambling to try and fix it. What you don’t yet realize is that your partner is already gone, mentally, spiritually and even physically. Your grieving is about to begin, but not before you move heaven and earth to try and save what is already over.
Women, more than men, usually initiate a breakup. Lack of affection, lack of attention, lack of sharing and similar have brought you to this stage. In my practice I saw more men than women in the state of panic identified above. They were in “repair” mode all of a sudden and pulling out all the stops to try and prevent their partner from leaving. They are ready to change their behavior, go to counseling or see a minister, all the things their wife had been asking for up to this final point. For these men, it’s already too late.
Men leave relationships as well, but less frequently than women. Regardless of who initiates the breakup, there will be grieving for both parties. In my practice I saw both sides of the story. Bewildered men and women trying to save their relationship not realizing it was already too late. If cheating were involved then the hurt is amplified by betrayal. Whatever the circumstances, both parties are headed into the land of relationship grief.
With gay couples, the experience is much the same. Being left causes deep hurt. Being the one leaving also brings on hurt, but relief as well, and of course, guilt. For the latter the relationship has been over for some time and bringing the matter to a head constitutes a first step in their healing journey.
Whether you’re the one initiating or the one who was left, there will be grieving to do. As already mentioned, a relationship breakup is like a death. Some would say that dealing with the death of a loved one might be easier because you know you will not be seeing them again. In a breakup situation there will be property, children and a whole host of matters to deal with which means regular contact for a while. And that contact brings on the most pain for the one who was left.
My first marriage ended this way. My young wife got involved with another man and one day announced she was leaving. We had two small children. I was the one devastated by the news. She was the one relieved about leaving. It took me 3 years to get over that loss. If it hadn’t been for the children I would have recovered much sooner. As a single dad, not having access to my children on a daily basis broke my heart. It was the single most devastating aspect of the breakup.
I had some help in terms of group counseling, but nothing akin to what is available today. If I knew then what I know today about grieving such a loss, I would have recovered in a matter of months, and not years. I needed to do some personality and self-esteem work and my group experience helped with that. In the end the whole affair drove me to become a therapist and I am eternally grateful for that.
I know what you’re going through. Sadness, guilt, remorse, “what could I have done differently” – such thoughts and feelings run through your mind like a freight train. Obsessions, panic, disorientation are all part of the package. You will have to deal with your feelings now. If that’s alien to you then you have quite a challenge ahead. If you’ve been through a loss before, then you might have an advantage in terms of knowing what needs to be done to get you back on track.
Once you arrive at The Land of Grieving your recovery can begin. You will need help to get through this. Your friends and family can be great supports, but not if they’re in the business of bashing your former mate. That’s why a divorce or grief group that deals with relationship breakup is essential for a balanced approach. Seeing a counselor and acquiring the right grief resources will take you even further.
Our approach to grief and loss recovery meets all these requirements and was born of 40 years of personal and 25 years of professional experience. Contrary to popular belief, therapists go through the same pain and suffering as everyone else when dealing with a relationship breakup. Knowing what to do does not make the process any less painful, but it does make it easier and shorter. Grieving is universal. Recovering from grief requires the right kind of support and material resources. Do yourself a favor and reach for what you need. Do not beat yourself up! This a time to be kind to yourself and to affirm that you deserve whatever help you need. Do not put off your recovery from relationship grief any longer.
About the Author
Maurice Turmel holds a PhD in Counseling Psychology. He was a practicing therapist for nearly 25 years providing counseling and therapy to individuals, groups, organizations and families. He is the author of “The Voice – A Metaphor for Personal Development”; “Mythical Times – Exploring Life, Love & Purpose”; and “How to Cope with Grief and Loss – Support, Guidance and Direction for Your Healing Journey”. He has been a guest on numerous National and Regional television and radio talk shows and has hosted his own shows at BlogTalkRadio.com, WebTalkRadio.net, AchieveRadio.com and BBS Radio.
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What mentions and allusions of Loss and Grief are in “The Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka?
where are there elements of loss and/or grief in the novel “the metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka? page numbers would be very appreciated; if not, please be specific. Thank you very much in advance.
You should do your own homework, the answered expected by teachers, and even you, is far longer than what anyone will bother to give on here.
Grief and Loss
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we lost a very close family member coming up to 4 Years ago now..my daughter was 5 at the time and struggled to understand..she went to a child counselor who really helped however the past few months she has been acting out in the old ways.. destructively..violence towards her brother..i understand this is her way of coping but do you think more help might be beneficial to her
Sorry,aye try again.I have been twice since my dad died in a car crash,it worked better the second time.Maybe her grieving period isnt over yet.
SIRA: Grief and Bereavement
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Christopher Love’s Clear Vindication of Principles & Practices
Welcome to the Still Waters Revival Books video book summary for “A Clear Vindication of the Principles and Practices of Christopher Love, Since His Trial Before, and Condemnation By, the High Court of Justice.” (1808 edition) by Christopher Love
Christopher Love, a staunch Covenanted Presbyterian, was executed by the English army during Oliver Cromwell’s usurpation — or as John Gerstner writes, “he was martyred for the zeal of the Cromwellian Independents.”
Gerstner continues, “at the end of the 20th century, the Protestant church has fewer Christopher Loves and needs them more. Though he died at 33 years of age, his wisdom is for the ages, especially the impending ‘Third Christian Millennium’… Christopher Love made all the actors on the religious scene of his day more or less his enemies because he told the truth across the board. As I said above, we can use a few more Loves for the 21st century… Love was a jure divino (divine right) Presbyterian… With Samuel Rutherford in Scotland, Gisbert Voetius in Holland, and Christopher Love in England, this was the gold age for church order, not for top-down (Episcopacy) or bottom-up (Independency) but top-down and bottom-up (Presbyterianism). That a stickler for regulations would be the devout pietist of the letters here included, is instructive. High Calvinistic theology, meticulous discipline, and heart religion were providentially and sanctifyingly mixed together and out came Christopher Love. He had to die young” (from the Foreword to Don Kistler’s “A Spectacle Unto God: The Life and Death of Christopher Love,” pp. viii-ix).
After Love’s execution, the Presbyterian Thomas Manton (a close friend of Love’s) ignored threats by Cromwell’s sectarian soldiers (who said they would shoot him if he preached at Love’s funeral) to preach Love’s funeral sermon anyway (and he was not shot). This book helps exhibit the wickedness of Cromwell’s administration, exposing Cromwell as the Judas of the Solemn League and Covenant.
It also demonstrates the faithfulness of God to his covenanted, elect remnant — especially to those martyred for maintaining second Reformation attainments. The subtitle, picking up where the title left off, further explains the contents of this title. It reads: “Also, His Grounds and Reasons of giving in a Narrative, and the lawfulness of the Matter and Titles of his Petitions. Together with a Declaration of his Judgment concerning Cromwell’s unlawful Invasion of the Kingdom of Scotland. Likewise, Mr. Love’s Speech and Prayer, on the Scaffold at Tower Hill, upon the day of his Death, and his last Sermon.”
Love’s speech and prayer just before his execution exhibit what was at the heart of the second Reformation, as well as what was on the lips of its martyrs. “I die cleaving to all those oaths, vows and covenants, and protestations, that were imposed by the two houses of parliament, as owning them, and in dying with my judgment for them: to the protestation, the vow and the covenant, the solemn league and covenant. And this I tell you all, I had rather die a covenant keeper, than live a covenant breaker” (p. 70).
Also included here are the heart-wrenching letters that passed between Love and his wife leading up to his state sanctioned murder, a letter from Love to one of the witnesses against him, and several letters to Love from Dr. Drake and other of his then fellow-suffers.
114 pages.
Please visit Still Waters Revival Books at http://www.puritandownloads.com. About the Author
Still Waters Revival Books (SWRB) has been publishing and distributing (free and at discounts) classic and contemporary Christian (Puritan, Reformation, Reformed, Presbyterian, Baptist, Covenanter, Calvinistic, etc.) books, audio (lately MP3s), and videos, worldwide, for over 25 years.
Islamic Advice to Muslims who have lost a loved one
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